So, apparently, the 'food challenge' of this episode is to eat five pounds of nachos in 45 minutes. Five fucking pounds of nachos? That's a little bit of overkill, I mean Jesus. First he's got to take us to some normal-portioned food restaurants though. First of all, Blimpie/Blimpy burgers. I can't tell which. That looks like a really small-ass burger patty though.
Those are four burgers. I mean, I guess if the meat quality is good it'd be acceptable but shit. They ramble on about having to pound on toppings in order for it to be acceptable which is probably true, but anyway. Moving on. Apparently this place offers 2,147,483,648 unique combinations of burgers. Isn't that a little overkill? It's a burger, goddammit. Doesn't need to be fancy or have 2,147,483,648 variations. He throws some bacon, fried egg, and onion on the burger. Seems a bit odd when you think about it? Onion, bacon, and egg? He also called the bacon 'meat candy' oddly enough. He squirts Worcestershire sauce on the chopped onion just to add heart attack factor and fries that egg. He also fries the bacon and adds some disgusting blue cheese and passable swiss cheese. Fucking blue cheese, why does it exist?
So he tops this shitpile off with some mustard, ketchup, black olives (for some reason), tomato and lettuce. He takes a bite, orgasms a little bit, then it goes to a commercial break, showing the horrifying - I can't stress this enough - FIVE fucking pound plate of nachos and shit. I'd imagine that would last you for an entire goddamn day, and he has to eat it in 45 minutes. Anywho, we already had our horrifying burger filled with crap, time for sandwiches!
Looks delicious, doesn't it? The less delicious part is that it's fucking smothered in Russian dressing. Oh, and that's rye bread. You know, that bread you eat when you can't find literally any other type of bread at the store? Yeah, that bread.
Oh, and there's that delicious "Russian dressing". Looks appetizing, right? It looks like a turd of someone who has never eaten anything but raw sausage in their entire life. Ugh. Then they pile the cheese right on top of that shit. And after that, they pile on a quarter pound of pastrami and a quarter pound of corn beef. He takes a bite and orgasms again. I feel like I'm watching an amateur porno with a really weird food fetish. I mean, Christ. Overreactions much. Anywho, time for this sick son of a bitch to attempt to eat five pounds of fucking nachos.
I think my bowels are going to evacuate just looking at that. Christ. So he piles a ton of chips on a plate, pours a shitton of refried beans on it, shreds about 3 entire bags worth of cheese on it, and then puts more chips on top. After that, he dumps about a pound of chicken, pork, and guacamole on it. Skipping a little ahead because all he does is fucking ramble, at 15 minutes left he has about half of it left. He makes a big-ass scene at about 2 minutes left and eats the last bite, so he's succeeded. I bet he'd really regret that in the morning.
SHOW RATING: Barely Watchable
