Randy
Posts : 48
Join date : 2012-07-16
Age : 33
Location : Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
Character sheet
tf: sm klr
 | | Subject: Night of Champions 2010 Sun Oct 14, 2012 5:26 pm | |
| Opening Match, Intercontinental Title: Dolph Ziggler (w/Vickie Guerrero & Kaitlyn) vs. Kofi Kingston.
Countout and DQ rules are waived, so Dolph can't keep the title that way. I guess the Intercontinental Title has been renamed "the very prestigious Intercontinental Title" because all three announcers refer to it that way. Remember when prestige used to speak for itself? It was a simpler time, when men smoked cigars and drank brandy. In fact, the announcers just piss me off right off the bat for various reasons – Lawler because he came equipped with Vickie Guerrero jokes that were so lame they could have been written by the staff that did Chevy's old show, Striker because he so desperately tries to be Captain Meme, and Cole... well, really, who needs a reason to be pissed off at Michael Cole? If you do need one, how about how desperately he tries to work a plug into casual commentary. Dude, you got three hours. Slow down. Kofi fakes him out with a Trouble in Paradise. Vickie sends Kaitlyn to the back. Haha! She has body-image issues. Hi-larious. Lots of chinlockery from Dolph. He boots Kofi on a blind charge and picks up two. Kofi comes back with a flying crossbody for two. SOS nearly gets the pin to a big pop, but Dolph's leg was on the ropes. Dolph puts a stop to Vickiference, allowing Kofi to go for Trouble in Paradise. Dolph avoids it, though, and hits the Zig-Zag at 12:41. Wow. A clean win for the midcard heel. It's shocking. Just a really solid midcard match here. Athleticism and energy trumping any kind of psychology or the thin story that there was. Fine by me. Kofi and Dolph are so evenly matched as far as stature and skill level that they could probably both benefit from one of those "best of five/seven" series that we haven't seen in a while. **3/4
In the back, Edge is upset at being asked how he's ever going to defeat five other guys.
The Big Show vs. CM Punk.
This is for the Brass Knuckles Title, I guess. Big hometown pop for Punk, but we can't have that, so Punk rips on them before the match. His rant sounds like Edward Norton's in 25th Hour. Striker says that Punk is "technically the bully here." Oh, well, yeah, I mean if you want to get technical. Then again, technically Lawler and Cole spent the first fifteen minutes of the show ragging on Vickie Guerrero for being fat and ugly, and now they're pissed at Punk for doing the same thing to Big Show. Note to WWE Creative: Hypocrisy is not the oath that doctors take. I finally just switch over to the Spanish team. Show shrugs off Punk's kicks and chops him over the top rope. Punk darts inside and boots him off the apron. SLINGSHOT SENTON TO THE FLOOR! Nice. The fans chant for Punk anyway as he peppers Show with kicks. He goes up for the springboard clothesline, but Show spears him out of the air. Illegal closed fist finishes at 4:44. "Hey, we got this guy who is hugely over in his hometown. Gonna get an amazing reaction. How do we utilize that?" "Um, we could have him shit on that reaction and get squashed." "Marcie, call Brinks Security and tell them to have an armored car standing by… yes, we're going to have transport a ton of cash out of that arena." This was about as good as it was going to be. *1/2
This is the first time I've watched in Spanish, but I had no idea that the Spanish announcers talked over the interviews. I assumed they'd just provide direct translation or something. Also, in the ultimate indignity, they have to continue talking while the video switches to Cole, Lawler & Striker. No secondary camera shot?
United States Title: The Miz (w/Alex Riley) vs. Daniel Bryan.
This is for "the very prestigious United States Championship," according to Cole. Btw, I switched back for this match because of Cole's anti-Bryan commentary. I'm rewarded by the exchange between the others and Cole over Gene LeBell. Cool spot where Miz goes for a leapfrog only to get booted out of the air. Miz overpowers him and takes over, working the shoulder. Miz, for all the knocks on his wrestling ability, really does have a great grasp of pacing and psychology. Bryan tosses him and hits a suicida that looked more like Miz tossed him into the announce table. Back in, Bryan hits a missile dropkick and kicks the crap out of Miz. Miz crotches him, though, and hits a homicidal clothesline. Miz tries for a submission with an armbar, but it ain't happening. Bryan rolls Miz up for two and goes for the LeBell lock. Riley hops up on the apron, distracting Bryan. Miz attacks from behind but gets rolled up. ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Miz goes after him again, but Bryan rides him down in to the LeBell Lock at 12:29. Huge pop, considering Bryan was supposed to be a "personality-deprived hack who only appeals to a tiny base of fanboys." The crowd really got into it by the end, thanks to great wrestling and good storytelling. Not much more you can ask. ***3/4
John Cena talks percentages. He thinks he's got a good shot.
WWE Title vs. Divas Title, Lumberjill Unification Match: Layla vs. Melina.
Notice that the announcers do not refer to either title as "prestigious." Layla is upset about Michelle screwing her over. I had no idea. Everyone hates Michelle, which puts her at a huge disadvantage. Not a bad match, all things considered. For some reason, Michelle picks a fight with Natalya, but that distracts the ref so he doesn't see Layla's rollup. Michelle gets pummeled on the floor. They brawl and get knocked to the floor, allowing the divas to get a piece of Michelle. Layla shows support for Team LayCool, attacking Melina behind the ref's back, but she gets tossed too. Michelle rolls back in and boots Melina in the face for the win and the very prestigious unified title at 6:32. Started out really well then devolved thanks to silly booking. *
World Heavyweight Title, No Holds Barred: Kane vs. The Undertaker.
Undertaker showed Shawn Michaels mercy at WrestleMania, so Kane knew he was "ripe." Well, he was a vegetable. The story here is that the Undertaker has lost his mystical edge, possibly from the lack of evil spinach, and Kane has somehow siphoned off that power. Taker was still able to dispatch CM Punk because, apparently, there's a rule that Punk has to lose even if it makes more sense for him to win in the storyline. Taker meets Kane at the entrance ramp for fisticuffs and throws him into one of the columns on the set. It's all Kane for a while after that as the announcers make a big deal out of Taker not mounting an offense. It's really just like all the other Taker vs. Kane matches. Taker fires back and dives over the barricade to wipe Kane out. Kane fires back with a flying clothesline and Undertaker's own jabs. Well, he is the best pure striker in WWE history. Taker slugs back and hits the big boot and legdrop. That gets two. Chokeslam gets two. Kane counters the Tombstone to his own, though, and picks up the win at 17:28. The crowd is shocked, but not as shocked as the announcers are. Taker staggers up the ramp to sell the beating he just got, and Lawler speculates that his powers have been sapped. Long, boring match, which was expected, but there wasn't even anything cool to come out of it. I suppose Kane winning was a story in itself, but that's pretty uncompelling. *3/4
Randy Orton delivers a scintillating promo.
WWE Tag Team Titles, Tag Turmoil: The Hart Dynasty vs. The Usos (w/Tamina).
The Usos start out hot with the Demolition Decapitation. Kidd breaks up their momentum with an Asai Moonsault. Kidd locks in a Sharpshooter, but Jey kicks him in the head for the pin at 2:11.
The Usos vs. Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov.
Santino clears house and goes for the CO-BRAAAAA, but Tamina distracts him. Jimmy finishes him with a Samoan Drop at 3:11.
The Usos vs. Mark Henry & Evan Bourne.
The Usos have nothing left after all this action, so Henry hits the World's Strongest Slam. That sets up the Shooting Star Press at 5:09.
Mark Henry & Evan Bourne vs. Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre.
*This* is your finals? Bourne is in the ring, recovering from his own finisher, so the heels isolate him. They really set the tone for their reign by boring everyone outside of Michael Cole. Evan hits a high knee and tags in Henry, who cleans house. He even knocks Rhodes down on the mighty wind from his errant swing. Evan tags back in and sets up --- s.l.o.w.l.y. --- for the Shooting Star Press off Henry's shoulders. Drew breaks it up, and Cody hits the Cross Rhodes at 11:40. I can understand wanting to get the titles off the Harts since A) they're not that over, and B) they wanted to get a headstart on turning Tyson Kidd into the next superstar curtain jerker, but why'd they have to do it in a thrown-together, horribly booked mess? This match got roughly as much attention as the Divas match. *3/4
Alberto Del Rio video package. Holy Shit! Orville Redenbacher is his butler! Del Rio must be rich.
WWE Heavyweight Title, Six-Pack Challenge: Sheamus vs. John Cena vs. Edge vs. Chris Jericho vs. Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton
Okay, the proper lyrics are "it's a shame that they... lost their head" not "it's a shameful thing, lobsterhead," but I can't unhear it! If they followed promised stipulations, this would have been Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett… probably a good thing they didn't. Everyone brawls, and it winds up Cena vs. Jericho. Cena wins a slugfest and hits the bulldog. That sets up the RKO on Jericho at 1:29. Jericho can't believe it. Edge can't believe it either, because they had a tacit agreement. We follow Jericho all the way up the ramp. Man, that's a pathetic walk. Barrett realizes he's alone and winds up taking a pounding. It powders out to Orton vs. Cena, but they don't get to go toe-to-toe as the others come in and lay the boots to them. Barrett tries to give orders and gets doubleteamed by Edge and Sheamus. Cena actually throws a dropkick that says to the world, "Hey, World, I never do a dropkick, and here's why." It comes down to Orton and Cena again, and this time they go at it briefly. Sheamus goes for the Billy Robinson backbreaker (Irish Curse) on Cena, but he fights out of it. Edge and Sheamus form an unlikely duo and doubleteam Cena. A doubleteam superplex gets two, and Cena rolls to the floor. Orton assumes his role as face-in-peril. Of course, Edge and Sheamus turn on each other. Sheamus dodges the spear and hits the Irish Curse. Spear, but Orton runs in. Edge shoves Orton into the AA, but Orton slips out of that. AA to Edge instead! Edge is eliminated at 15:00. That was quite the sequence. Barrett hops in and attacks Cena. Cena goes for the AA, but Barrett counters to a DDT for two. Sheamus runs in but gets trapped in the STF. He makes the ropes, though. The Nexus runs in and distracts Cena long enough for Barrett to hit the Wasteland at 18:31. At least half the crowd loves that. The Nexus pummels Orton and tosses him to Barrett, but Cena takes out the Nexus. That leaves Orton to hit RKOs on everyone, including Barrett at 20:31. Sheamus immediately boots Orton in the face with the Brogue Kick. ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Orton slips out of the Irish Carbomb and hits the RKO at 21:28 to pick up his seventh world title. The match really kicked it up a notch at the midpoint. Great booking to boot. ***1/2
How willing are you to wade through two hours of shit for two pretty good (not great) matches? I'll go for a slight recommendation just because the bad parts, and there are a lot of them, were either interesting or innocuous. Orton wasn't much of a babyface champion because they booked him to be John Cena and he's not John Cena. This was a nice launching point, at least.
Mildest of recommendations.
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